How Metta and Wisdom Help in Overcoming the Fear of Loss through Meditation
I was meditating, as I do every day. But on this day, I sensed that something was not quite right in my personal life. A family member was unwell, and somewhere deep within, I could feel the fear of losing a loved one. At some level, I know that one day each of us will have to face such a situation. Still, when it comes close, the mind reacts.
As I began my meditation, I noticed a strong reaction in the body—almost like a biochemical shift. Tears began to flow from my eyes. I understood that this was the fear of losing someone dear.
I allowed the tears to come. I did not resist. There was a sense of helplessness—just being there, emotionally low, observing it.
Redirecting Toward Metta
Gradually, I started reflecting and gently redirecting the mind towards Metta—first towards myself, and then towards my family member. It came to me that even though I practice loving-kindness meditation, keep my precepts, and follow the Dhamma, it does not mean that I will not suffer.
Not everything is perfect all the time. This is impermanence. I began to see that the suffering was being created by my own holding on—thoughts like:
- “What if that person is no more?”
- “What will I do without them?”
- “May they suffer less…”
I could clearly see this as mental proliferation. Then I recollected something from my first retreat:
“We are doing all this practice to learn how to die, to let go of suffering.”
I continued my sitting, radiating metta to myself, to my family members, and to all beings. With a mind inclining towards equanimity, I ended the sitting.
The Wisdom of the Sutta
The next day, during our Sunday reading, I opened a sutta from the Samyutta Nikaya 35.136—on delighting in forms. As I listened to the teaching and reflected, it felt as though the missing pieces of a puzzle were falling into place.
The opening line struck me deeply:
“Bhikkhus, devas and humans delight in forms, take delight in forms, rejoice in forms. With the change, fading away, and cessation of forms, devas and humans dwell in suffering.”
I could see this in my own experience. The fear was arising because of taking things personally—I, me, mine.
Through the six sense bases—eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind—we experience the world. But we begin to assume permanence. When things change, we resist. We want things to be as we want them to be, and in doing so, we create suffering.
Reflections from the Samyutta Nikaya
The sutta further explains this beautifully in verse:
“Forms, sounds, odours, tastes,
Tactiles and all objects of mind—
Desirable, lovely, agreeable,
So long as it’s said: ‘They are.’
“These are considered happiness
By the world with its devas;
But where these cease,
That they consider suffering.
“The noble ones have seen as happiness
The ceasing of identity.
This view of those who clearly see
Runs counter to the entire world.
“What others speak of as happiness,
That the noble ones say is suffering;
What others speak of as suffering,
That the noble ones know as bliss.
“Behold this Dhamma hard to comprehend:
Here the foolish are bewildered.
For those with blocked minds it is obscure,
Sheer darkness for those who do not see.
“But for the good it is disclosed,
It is light here for those who see.
The dullards unskilled in the Dhamma
Don’t understand it in its presence.
“This Dhamma isn’t easily understood
By those afflicted with lust for existence,
Who flow along in the stream of existence,
Deeply mired in Mara’s realm.
“Who else apart from the noble ones
Are able to understand this state?
When they have rightly known that state,
The taintless ones are fully quenched.”
I hope you could connect your own points while reading this sutta—happy reading and reflection.
With Mētta,